There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
