i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
