By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
