It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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