Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
