This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
