we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
