i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
