he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
