I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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