I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
being pregnant is like rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
