3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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