Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
