That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
