Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
