All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
