My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
