When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
