i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How does one acquire holy water?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
