I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
