It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
