I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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