So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
