i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it hurts more in the daytime
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize