that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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