Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
