Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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