I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
