found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
