I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize