I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize