just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
