i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
