the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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