Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
