i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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