Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize