The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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