What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize