He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
