her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
