LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
