Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
