Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
