im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
