i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
