I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
