so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
