AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
