Need sex. Gaining weight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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