well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its not stalking. its research.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
