I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
People in love make me want to vomit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
