You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
