Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize