What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
