He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
