Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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