I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
