I'm passing your future prison.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
