Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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