I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
