I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
