Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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