Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
