i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize