I skipped work to stalk him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
