LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
