Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
