And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
