mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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