sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize