he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
